To homeschool or not to homeschool...that is the question!

Almost two months ago, we enrolled our children in school after two and half years of homeschooling. It was a decision made after much debate, pondering and prayer. We decided to enroll each of them for very different reasons. Megan really needed the interaction with children her age, which despite Girl Scouts, church activities, homeschool co-op, basketball and softball she simply wasn't getting. Andrew was doing fine at home, but wasn't trying nearly as hard for mom as he would for a teacher. So, after some sleepless nights, tears and fighting feelings of being a complete and utter failure, we bought new lunchboxes (they already had backpacks), purchased a couple extra pairs of jeans and off they went for the beginning of the second quarter at their respective schools. They weren't overjoyed to be going, but they didn't voice any opposition either.

Two months later how do I feel? Well, Megan constantly talks about her new friends in her classes. She's reunited with old friends and made many new ones. She's doing well in her schoolwork, and she has adjusted better than I ever thought she would. (I should've had more faith in her!) Andrew had to test his limits in his new environment the first couple of weeks (Hey, he's a boy!), but now he's doing fine. His classes picked up right where we left off in our own studies (which is miraculous since I jumped around a little in curriculum), and he's doing great! His grades were a little rocky at the beginning of the quarter until we got the hang of things, but I'm so proud of how hard he's working to raise them. By the time the quarter ends before Christmas, he should make Honor Roll.

I guess that still doesn't answer how I feel. I'm not sure how I feel. I have a lot of feelings on the subject. First and foremost is that I miss my kids each day. I really enjoyed making their lunch while they finished some assignments, reading their thoughts they wrote in their journals each day, and especially being delighted and proud when I had the privilege of witnessing them grasp a new concept. I miss the flexibility. I miss being able to take off and go out of town for a couple of days without consequences. If we wanted to go to Mammoth Cave in the middle of the day, we could go. Field trips were great, because everyone else was in school, so nothing was crowded. I hate the homework. I'm grateful that both my kids use their time wisely at school and get a lot of it done there, because until we got the hang of it, I feel like we were doing almost as much homework as we used to do in a regular homeschool day. I don't like getting up so early. We used to get up between 7:00 and 8:00 and have school at around 8:00 to 9:00. Now we're up at 6:00 and off to school by 7:00. I love that they're growing and learning, and really trying harder. I'm sad that I don't know every single thing they study. I'm grateful they're more responsible and in a more consistent routine than my little ADHD mind has ever been able to offer. I'm delighted that my stress level is a little lower. I'm not constantly worried that they're going to miss a critical math concept or I'm not going to adequately cover a certain period of world history. I'm not in a constant mental debate over whether I'm doing them some injustice by keeping them home. I know it sounds like I have a lot of negative feelings about them being back in school, which I'm sure stems from me missing being with them (nothing could be as great as quality time with mom, right?), but to be honest, I'm delighted in knowing it was the right thing for my kids. There are things I see in them that I cannot eloquently put into words that remind me almost daily that I made the correct decision. I think homeschooling is an AWESOME thing. It's not for everyone, but it was great for us. I'm always going to be a supporter of homeschooling. Who knows, we may do it again someday. But, in these particular instances, enrolling them was right. And, God is blessing our decision.

I get a little frustrated when people comment on our choice. Homeschooling friends either act as though I've fallen to the dark side, offer new tips and strategies on how to keep trying to hang in there a little longer, or feel sorry for me. Some people ask, "Did it just get to be too much?" That's the question that bothers me the most. It feels like a personal jab. It feels like they're saying, "What? You couldn't hack it?" Friends whose children are in the public school setting treat me as though I've seen the light. The truth is, I love homeschooling. And, the truth is, I love what my kids are doing in school. It was a decision that we made based on our kids' personal needs.

I certainly had to battle my inner demons at first. My thoughts that I was a complete failure have begun to subside as I see them growing, thriving and excelling academically and socially. The weekend before they went to school, we were visiting friends in Missouri who homeschool. They had a quote on their wall that gave me some peace. It said, "Failure is an event, not a person." I think that I just needed to realize that while Todd and I are the most important people on earth in our kids' lives, I had to let go of the idea that I could provide ALL things they needed. I now know that I cannot be Megan's entire social network, and I can't be the only person to which Andrew is academically accountable. Parents know best. When our children are babies, we can be ALL things to them. The older they get, they still need us more than anyone else, but the fewer things they need us for. We don't have to pour their milk for them anymore, they can heat their own ravioli in the microwave, and they can even get the bandaids and ointment on all by themselves. It's hard to let go sometimes. It's kind of like the first time you have to let them go into the dental office alone for a filling and parents aren't allowed in the room. (What? I've been in the room for every medical appointment their entire lives. I'm the mom!) So, I can't be all things to them, but I'm grateful we have a Heavenly Father that can. And, so whether they're in my presence, at my school , and under my direct care each day or not, they're always in His. I guess this is another area faith comes in handy.