Back to Reality

One of these days, I really want to put into writing some of my thoughts about the impact this trip had on my life because, while it was "just a vacation," it wasn't "just a vacation." I realize that makes no sense, which I'll just blame on the jet lag. The first time I went to Hawaii, I loved it. It was amazing and refreshing and a series of breathtaking moments that I replay frequently in my mind. It was, until this year, our once-in-a-lifetime trip to that paradise. When we were asked to go to Hawaii again this year, for the first few months I knew I was going, I viewed the whole vacation as a luxury, like icing on the cake. Then closer to the time of the trip, when I was under some incredible stresses, I began to look forward to the trip as a refuge, a place to get away from reality for a while. Then when I was there with the love of my life and friends who love and accept me unconditionally (which I've come to understand in recent years is a VERY RARE trait), I found a soft place to fall. The ocean that amazed me with hundreds of shades of blue five years ago captivated me all the more this time. The flowers, the smells, the breezes, the tradewinds, the pineapple, the waterfalls, the trees, the rocks, the waves, and everything else this time pulled me in a different way this time. I admit to having secretly rolled my eyes in the past at people who said that a place just "became a part of them." I thought they were being dramatic like I probably sound right now. But, it's happened to me. I feel a connection to those islands now and a strong desire to make going back a regular event. Maybe not every year or even every two or three, but I feel a pull to go back. I won't go back without my kids. And, I want them to be old enough to appreciate the beauty without just looking at the waterfall and saying, "That's cool," then sitting on a bench and playing their Nintendo DSs. Anyway, I'm rambling. One other thing I leanred on this trip is that I have WAY too busy a lifestyle and I'm killing myself slowly. Something's gotta give. My plan is to start relinquishing some of my responsibilities and letting go of my control issues. Pray for me, please.